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Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:jzancan.wordpress.com
Time:9:31 pm.
I've decided to actually start a blog--I haven't written on here in a while, and don't really feel like keeping a JOURNAL journal. So I'll be using WordPress as an actual blog. That's the plan at least--not sure how much I'll actually keep it up, BUT...eh, we'll see. check it out.

the web address is the subject, jzancan.wordpress.com

Friday, January 4th, 2008

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:Out Of My Misery
Time:6:43 pm.
Mood: discontent.
Looking back, I'm amazed I wrote this in about 15 minutes, and then all of the music except for a couple of bridged lines in another 15 or 20. I was thinking about situations where we find ourselves wishing we could just walk away from, but we can't, so we wish we had somebody there to entice us out. Somebody there to put of us of our misery, so to speak.



In the corner
You got me
Down for the count
Pain’s just weakness leaving the body

Tear through our book
Scatter pages and tears in our bed
Try to make sense of this puzzle
Baby, I’m torn to shreds

Just one more jab, shut me out
Tear down the last memory I had
Shut me out
Baby, put me out
Of
My
Misery

Cut out my heart just to
Spite what we made
The sound of your voice
A thousand razor blades

But I’m out
I’m out
I’m down for the count
I’m out, I’m out
I’m down for the count
And how can I complain
No more mis’ry runnin’ through my veins

Just one more jab, shut me out
Tear down the last memory I had
Shut me out
Baby, put me out
Of
My
Misery

See your face in the window pane
You and someone who’s not me
In a fountain of champagne
Think of all that happened in vain
I guess our love is simply mundane
Just see that Abel is my new name
C’mon Cain, make me slain

Cause I’m torn,
I’m torn, I'm torn
Like the earth on the day that the Lord was born

Just one more jab, shut me out
Tear down the last memory I had
Shut me out
Baby, put me out
Of
My
Misery

Wish I could walk away on my own
But that don’t represent what this means to me
So, baby, just put me out of my misery

Shut me out
Baby, put me out
Of
My
Misery

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008

(2 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:vent....
Time:10:59 pm.
Mood:awake.
i need to vent here for a sec....mainly cause people hardly ever see this.

here's my deal. my plan was to settle down after college. thats what i want. i used to have that. then moira and i broke up. and then, we almost started dating, but then we didnt, and now she says if it will happen at all, it wont be for a very long time, and that i should move on, so i am...here's my predicament--no girls my age are looking to settle down. why? cause its college. right. well, if i am going to settle down after college, i need to start building something relatively soon. i mean....fuck. i have two and half years of college left. i need to get a jump on this shit. i dated a girl for two and a half years and now were distant as hell (also because i'm pissed as hell at her...but i digress.

so....what the fuck?

i used to not be sure about my present, but i had my future planned out, relationship-wise (because no matter what they tell you in college, your job is not the most important thing--the people around you are). and if my future looked bright, then that meant i was doing something right in the present--that was my way of thinking. well now, i am very sure about my present (with what i can control--the Job, Fiscal aspect of it), but am a blind man on a dark road wearing a blindfold in terms of my future. if i get my future in line, then i'll be set. it makes sense: Future In Line + Present in Line = Has Shit Together.

so ladies, step right up. my rules are this--as long as you have a firm interest in ANY aspect of pop culture (thats a negotiable rule), you are all about me (the way i will be about you), and you let me be the person i am....honey, for a kiss and a smile i'd give mine all to you.

Monday, November 5th, 2007

(3 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:No more memento mori, no parti pris....
Time:1:30 am.
Mood: excited.
So moira and i have been talking a lot more and getting a lot closer. so we were talking today and she asks me, "you know when we get together over thanksgiving break....well i was wondering if you wanted to get some sushi [a favorite dating pastime for us], and maybe, you know...go on kinda sorta a date with me?" to which i replied, "moira gallagher are you asking me out on a date?" which seems like an inappropriate response since she just called it a "date" but i got the "kinda sorta a date" so i needed verification, and she said "yes."

so that makes me really happy. we are fulfilling our goals that we wanted to accomplish with breaking up. being friends and genuinely liking each other. cause the goal was, break up, rebuild a friendship, and then see where that takes us. i'm liking where its taking us :-)

anyways, i wrote this one tonight. i had Countin' On A Miracle by Springsteen stuck in my head, and used the Fairytale motif that is expressed in that song as a bit of inspiration.


Fairytale


Here we are writing this book
There’s no end in sight
C’mon girl let me take a look
And I’ll take you all night
Yeah, you are my light

Sitting side by side on this park bench
Feel the brisk autumn air
I got a thirst I just want you to quench
But life just ain’t that fair
Its okay, I know you care

Living my life
Day by day
Living my life
With you I pray
For a fairytale
For a fairytale
For a fairytale
For a fairytale ending with you

I know I may seem helpless
But lovesick ain’t what I am
I know that you too have felt this
So tells me Aries the Ram
With me, take this stand

What’s the moral of this story
What have we learned from this
Now I see that love has a glory
Even in this precipice
I look at what I have now before me
I look at what I had in a reminisce
Ain’t gonna to be my memento mori
Ain’t gonna lend no more parti pris

Living my life
Day by day
Living my life
With you I pray
For a fairytale
For a fairytale
For a fairytale
For a fairytale ending with you


Note:
I'm all too sure about the line "with me, take this stand" in the second verse. the other two ideas i have for that line are "i just want to hold your hand" which was the original one that i found a little too cheeky even for me, and "the stars know the best plan" which i really like as well. let me know what you think, if there's anybody alive out there.



zanman

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:wow....
Time:3:23 pm.
Mood: eccentric.
so its been a while now...

life is going great. i've been arrested (detained?), i've joined a fraternity--the best decision i ever made--and i'm not just talking about parties. i'm talking about brotherhood and the bond that pulls us together and keeps us together. i've been writing, but i learned how to play guitar and a little piano, so i've been able to put some chords to these songs. i'm gonna copy and paste a note on here that i put on my facebook a little while ago, just because i think its one of the better, more touching things i've written.....

A couple days ago [edit: since I wrote this, its been about three weeks] I was talking to a close friend of mine from back home, Aly. Her fiancée is over in the war right now. I’m real close with him too. She was talking about how it can get really hard sometimes, and sometimes its easier when she’s not able to talk to him because it just makes it easier to be away from him. She said something along the lines of when she doesn’t hear from him for a while, he almost gets unreal. And then when she talks about him, especially to somebody they are both close to, all the emotion just comes swarming back. It’s a scary thing. The other night he had an away message up that said something like “trying to sleep but things keep blowing up around me, and even though I know I’m safe, my team leader keeps yelling.” What do you think when you read something like that about somebody close to you? I don’t know. I mean, I get it, that’s how war is…but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’ve written a lot of songs about war and the soldiers at war, but I’ve never written about the wives or the fiancées or girlfriends of the soldiers at war. Probably because I’ve never been compelled to. That isn’t exactly a situation I find myself in. So when Aly said that when she was talking to me he felt real again, I responded with “flesh and bones and love.” Trying to make some attempt at making her smile. All she said was, “that sounds like a song.” So here it is.

There are a lot of different emotions being conveyed--a lot of emotions going on when I wrote it--but the one thing I kept in mind the entire time, was what I said to Aly, and what it meant to her. I don’t know if I got it right or not, the emotions of having a husband or whatever overseas because I (obviously) have never been there, but I know what its like to have loved ones over there. As far as somebody as close to me as a spouse or significant other…I can only imagine.



Flesh & Bones & Love

Walking through the dark on this broken crutch
In the silence of distant sirens I think of you so much
I feel the city swarm around me, I think I hear your sound
But nobody’s there when I turn around

I’m walking down the boardwalk by the ocean shore
I hear the waves hit the sand with a crushing roar
In the midst of children laughing I think I hear your call
But it gets lost in the sound of the waves fall

Flesh and Bones and Love
Those are the things that are real
Flesh and Bones and Love
Gifts from above are the things we really feel

I’m lost in you
Can’t find my way out of this
The thought of you is growing dim
I’d go to any destination for your kiss
To feel you are real
To feel you are
Flesh and Bones and Love

Walking back to my apartment I put my key in the door
Doubting if I can live this way anymore
I’m sorry to say I got to move on and change
The window down the hall playing the music of the rain
Wishful thinking burns through me as I turn the knob
For a split second my heart really begins to throb
I open the door, take a deep breath of air
But, of course, you are not there…

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:back....for today at least.
Time:1:53 pm.
Mood: happy.
yeah, i guess i'm back for right now at least.

college is awesome. i only got 4 days in before i got naked and ran around with a group of people....and in front of another group of bystanders haha. its been great. moira is great, and we're doing better than anybody thought (i knew we'd be fine). but yeah, some people gave us by the first semester, some people the first month. swweeeeet, guys, thanks for the strike of confidence. as far as writing goes, i havent done too much prose. i wrote a 21 page dramatic monologue that may accomodate into another book, but i need to finish editing the first one. see, when i feel like being creative, i write. when i feel like being productive, but am too tired to be creative, i edit. so it will all come in good time. but for the most part, ive stuck to song writing because its easier and i can feel more accomplished in the little time i have to be creative. i play guitar now, have been for a while--a few months ago, got good enough to start actually being productive with it. so i've written a whole lot of songs. here's the latest...i wrote it about moira and i going to college. we're doing great with the distance, but at times it gets very very hard....so thats where this came from. musically, think of a cross between Empty Sky and Brilliant Disguise, both by Bruce Springsteen:

Stranger to Me


Everywhere I look
I see your face
In the ripples of the water
In the fire place

I see you in
All of my dreams
In ever vision of violence
In every scene of serene

This is not where we part
This is not where it ends
This is where our frailty
Begins to bend

When I look in the mirror
I stare at what I see
Because that man starin’ back
Babe, he’s a stranger to me

I can’t keep my focus
My eyes are a blur
Try to fix this window to my soul
You were always my cure

The grasp is being lost
As there’s a tightening of the grip
You’re trying so hard
Not to let this slip

This is not where we part
This is not where it ends
This is where our frailty
Begins to bend

When I look in the mirror
I stare at what I see
Because that man starin’ back
Babe, he’s a stranger to me

I feel a weight on my shoulders
I feel a rush on my soul
And when you’re not by my side at night
That’s when I get cold


--zanman

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

(3 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:an elixer of life isnt simple at all.....
Time:8:00 pm.
Mood: calm and complacent.
all my life (well, later, when i understood that relationships and songs are a lot alike), i decided i wanted to have done either of two things while i was young.

a. be in a band.

or

b. date a girl who was in a band.

either one of those, but ever both at the same time. that'd be difficult. it'd be too competitive. "oh look honey, im number 3 and your number 5", which wouldnt be too bad. but it'd be a stinger for your girl to be like "oh, i have a record deal and you dont....blah blah blah blah, yay for women's suffrage" that'd just make you feel bad. or if they came to you with this song, and it was absolute shit, so whereas you were normally tell the person its absolute shit, you cant, because you love this person, only thinking about short term effects. i guess "it may need some work" would be the sensitive answer? anyways, there's too much energy involved for option C, all of the above.


well, i've never dated a girl who was in a band, and im dating moira now, and shes not in a band, so it looks like option B is out of the question...but i have option A...now its complete.

Far From Fargo, a reference to Chuck Klosterman and his book Fargo Rock City, and a satement made early in the book. we have the indie-pop thing going on. a little alternative bit, close to the barenaked ladies (of course haha). we're really starting to come together...we should have a myspace by next week, i think, and some stuff recorded by two weeks from now...and im really happy with the way things are going.

our lyrics are nothing i havent posted before, but when new lyrics are aroused, i shall post them.

zanman

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

(2 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:just call me charlie brown.....
Time:10:04 pm.
Mood: on a roll.
so im on a writing spree, lyrically, at least haha.

so im in this band, and emo seems to be the big thing, so anything that has any depth to it nowadays, is just labeled emo, so i want to be careful with writing songs that arent so happy...i know that i hate music that, when listened to, makes me want to jump off a cliff. sad songs are okay when they have a good meaning, but thats it. so i wanted to write a song about depression (though im not depressed), thats a little quirky and funny. almost like Pinch Me by BNL...so i was thinking about how to do this, and i was watching the Charlie Brown valentines day show, and Linus told Charlie that he was too macho to cry....and that line was all it took....


Charlie Brown


How did I get here
Oh, how, what, when, where, and why
Sure I have the things I fear
But even Charlie Brown is too macho to cry

My stomach hurts
When I see her across the floor
I run through all of my flirts
When her read headed head passes before my eye
And I’m just like Charlie Brown
I’m too damn macho to cry

Good grief
My fate is my thief
But don’t ever deny
That I won’t cry
Cause when life gets me down
Just call me Charlie Brown

I just get the backseat it seems
When they call me “blockhead”, I see what they mean
If only you could see what I see
My worthless dog gets more attention than me

Five cents for therapy
Ain’t worth my money or time
I’d rather pay for a match for me
But that just maybe 100,000 dimes

Good grief
My fate is my thief
But don’t ever deny
That I won’t cry
Cause when I wear a frown
Just call me Charlie Brown

Is the way that I perceive clear
Me and her showered with rice
Is that accurate, am I even near
I can’t help if she’s ginger and spice and everything nice

Good grief
My fate is my thief
But don’t ever deny
That I won’t cry
So when life gets me down
When you see me wear that frown
Don’t make a sound
Except to call me Charlie Brown


zanman

Saturday, February 11th, 2006

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:Thanks, Boss.
Time:9:48 pm.
Mood: crazy.
yes, i am back!

so i took off writing verse for a while to focus more on prose...so if you wanna see any of those, let me know...but im back to the poetry and songwriting again....

ive been listening to a lot of Springsteen lately...i wrote something called "Angel Wings" which i wrote after listening to Thunder Road for the ten thousandth time. then i wrote this, after watching him perform Devils and Dust at the Grammys.....


Spirits on the Wind


There’s a devil on my shoulder, as there are angels in the air
Dust is swirling all around me, I have debris in my hair
It’s from an open window in the other room
It’s coming in like my surroundings pouring down like a monsoon

I’m being greeted by these spirits that are riding the backs of the wind
I am meeting these sinners, they are just saints that could have been
They’re all saying that I should go
Go back home again

So those angels that fly around me come down and put the devil in his place
And the dust is so thick that I can’t see my hand in front of my face
I can only imagine my home and the bright green lawn
But just as quickly as they came those imaged have vanished and gone
Gone with the spirits on the wind

I find myself in a bus station and with a ticket out of here
Farther away from home, cause I’m chasing after my fears
Nobody’s bothered to check on me or see where I am
But I guess that’s okay because I haven’t checked on them
I’ll just take my suitcase and my songs and my books
I’ll throw to the moon and the stars without a last look
And I’ll let them be gone
Gone with the spirits on the wind

Sometime down the road, a couple stops from my destination
I pick up my luggage, step off without hesitation
Those angels start pulling me out of the devils and the dust
And as I see it all clearly, I leave my past ways and my past lust
I’m making a decision and I decide that I don’t want to be alone
I decide that after all this, I want to go back to my home
I was gone
Gone with the spirits on the wind

I’m being greeted by these spirits that are riding the backs of the wind
I am meeting these sinners, they are just saints that could have been
They’re all saying that I should go
Go back home again

Sometimes, ain't life nice
When you listen to the devil's advice


zanman

Monday, January 16th, 2006

(1 asshole | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:the road here is my home.
Time:7:23 pm.
Mood: cranky.

OHGOWUHGSBVKWFGO;WFNWBVSWFHWCNWGFOWNFWVBWIUFBHOFBIWBVWIUFBBWIBV;WUHFWNVWBFSOVB;BVOWVIWEBVIWWIBFSKBVSKVBIWFBWIUFBOWHFOWHFWQBVWBGFWIUBVQWVBWQUBWUVBQEIBWHPIAAAAGGGGHHHHHHAO;GBHOQWUHF;QSVBQWHFWLBVIQEBVWQKJFBKSHVBELQIUFHWJVBJKSQBVEIQV QWIFBWBKBVKWQBFGWQGFIW

 

sorry, i needed that....

i could go for a good drive, even though i've been behind the wheel all day....

this one's from a while ago, but it fits....

 

And I Drive

 

I steer my truck left and right

As I drive down this windy road

The radio plays a steady rhythmic of light,

Melancholy beats and notes

And I drive

To a destination unknown

No reason to laugh or to cry

This road here is my home

I just think…and when I think

I think of semantics and of things sematic

The task ahead and mathematics

And how to keep my head from falling off

I think of notions and potions

And the chemistry of social explosions

And the chemistry of a rockets blastoff

The steering of the vehicle

Is an extension of my arms

Technologically a miracle

My arms are so far from my heart

And I drive

To a destination unknown

No reason to laugh or to cry

This road here is my home

I just think…and when I think

I think of what was the exact cause of this

Was it life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

That caused this peaceful, serene scene

I casually daydream and it seems that I make my own news

I think of my goals and dreams, prospects and ambitions, and my point of view

And the decisions that I’m caught in between

When I think

I think about you

And in the split second I blink

For a split second I see you

And I drive

To a destination unknown

No reason to laugh or to cry

This road here is my home

 

 

 

zanman

Sunday, January 8th, 2006

(2 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:one flew east, one flew west, one flew over the cuckoo's nest!
Time:2:56 pm.
Mood:awake.
so get this...i'm in a band.

we're called Far From Fargo, and while it is random on the surface, we picked it for two reasons:

1. it sounds good, no?

2. its a reference to a statement made by Chuck Klosterman. he is cheif writer at Spin magazine, and author of the books Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, Killing Yourself to Live: An 85% True Story, and, surprise, surprise, the rock and roll memoir book, Fargo Rock City. in Fargo Rock City he talks about living in Windemeyer (spelling?) North Dakota, 65 miles outside of Fargo. the only way he could listen to the radio was from a station in Fargo. because North Dakota is so flat, radio waves travel forever, as he puts it. his only source of radio was in Fargo, which was really far away, thus, Far From Fargo. :-)


i'm singer and songwriter. sometimes they write music to fit my songs, or i write songs to fit their music, but either way it works out. we only have one song together right now, and its one i wrote a while ago, about internal conflicts in relationships, and the amount of humility and faith in the other person that it involves....oh yeah, its told in references to children's nursery ryhmes, fairy tales, and movies. :-)


One Flew West


Mother Goose exposes life in a rhyme
Subliminally tells the tales of time
I take my concept and try to expose these
Through red-lettered days and pockets full of posies
But hopefully my ideals will be shown soon
Because my fork’s gone to the moon with my spoon

So I take your head up upon my breast
And every breath of yours I ingest
I’m your Hanzel and you’re my Gretal
The witch flew east, the witch flew west
The witch flew over the cuckoo’s nest
One flew east, one flew west
One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

You are Jack nimble, I’m Jack quick
Together our Jacks can make the sea sick
With one hand in and one hand out
A right foot to green, and shake it all about
My cow over the moon is with your fiddler cat
So, what do you think of that

So I take your head up upon my breast
And every breath of yours I ingest
I’m your Hanzel and you’re my Gretal
The witch flew east, the witch flew west
The witch flew over the cuckoo’s nest
One flew east, one flew west
One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

Buffalo bill cant take
Our tornado down
Paul Bunyan cant make
Our mountain into a valley’s frown
And at the day
I’m in too deep
Our little Miss Muffet, may
She keep her seat

Like all fairy tales and nursery rhymes end
Like the Gingerbread Man, I run as fast as I can
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Whose the most foolish of them all

So I take your head up upon my breast
And every breath of yours I ingest
I’m your Hanzel and you’re my Gretal
The witch flew east, the witch flew west
The witch flew over the cuckoo’s nest
One flew east, one flew west
One flew over the cuckoo’s nest


zanman

Friday, December 30th, 2005

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:the city that never sleeps....
Time:12:37 am.
Mood: complacent.
so long time no update....

well, i just got back from new york, where i saw Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, and Brad Garret in The Odd Couple, and then i went to a drag bar and sang karaoke while a drag queen (with sexy legs, may i add) took off my sweater, my under-shirt and my belt, putting my undershirt and belt around my neck.

then asked how old i was

me: "21"
her: "really? damn, boo, you're young, i woulda guessed 25 or 26"

and christmas was grreat...but its late and i dont feel like going into it.


bye!!!

zanman

Wednesday, December 7th, 2005

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:i'm taggin you!
Time:8:19 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
okay, fine....haha

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Howard Bound -- Simon and Garfunkel

It's All Been Done -- Barenaked Ladies

You Remind Me of Home -- Death Cab for Cutie

Jesus of Suburbia -- Green Day

Folsom Prison Blues -- Johnny Cash

Thunder Road -- Bruce Springsteen

Man in Black -- Johnny Cash

yeah, i've been on a Cash kick.


i....tage....YOU!

(3 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:just let it blow, blow, blow us away....
Time:8:06 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
HEY YOU GUYS! I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!!!

in attempts to go away the college and not stay at home, going to Rout Two University (AACC), i have succeeded. i will be attended Christopher Newport University in the fall of 2006, in Newport News, VA (about half an hour from williamsburg and in the VA Beach area)...i am sooo excited!!!!

i may have already posted this one, but here's a little thing about wild shinanigans, in honor of college. :-)


Big Shot


Whoa, now, big shot why’s your head hot
Its time to cool down a little
Just sit back and rock, rock, rock it now
Tilt this boat shack and turn your watch back
Time doesn’t matter
Let the good time’s go and don’t stop, stop, stop it now

Hey, now, hot stuff why don’t we have a luff
Why don’t we sail away
I just wanna talk so don’t turn, turn, turn me down
Just lay out on the mast with no contrast
Let it shine and shine
Let is shine down, down, down on you

Just snip, snap, crackle, and pop
The wind is blowing now so why stop
Just let it blow, blow, blow us away

Yeah, darling if you don’t I won’t
But I think we both really want to
So why not just get, get, get it on
Just be sure to be true to you
Listen to your stomach
Listen to it growl, growl, growl for lust

Miss big spender why not just surrender
You’re completely surrounded
Just put your hands up, up, up right now
By the way I wanted to say
Thought I should mention
That this love, love, love’s a game

Just snip, snap, crackle, and pop
The wind is blowing now so why stop
Just let it blow, blow, blow us away



zanman

Friday, December 2nd, 2005

(4 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:you make the rockin world go round...
Time:9:41 pm.
Mood: calm.
so, i got back from senior retreat...it was really gay at first, then got more fun. moira and i hit a brick wall while there, but we worked it out....we have that sort of relationship where we can talk about everything, and when we forgive each other, which we always do, we immediately put it in the past.

i have really bad sinuses....every so often i'll have blood in my loogees (however you spell that word).

i'm seeing moira tomorrow so we can finally be together...they kept an eye on us because couples usually arent allowed to go on the same retreat together, but due to our schedules, we had to go on the same one....

anyways, i'm tired.

zanman

Friday, November 25th, 2005

(1 asshole | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:i fell for you like a child...
Time:12:54 am.
Mood: blase.
happy thanksgiving everybody....

gobble, gobble....does anybody else think of don vito when they hear that?

i saw Walk the Line tonight with my dad...it was good, Jauquin Phoenix deserves at least an oscar nod.

i havent written any new songs at all...so when i do ill post....


zanman

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005

(1 asshole | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:i picture you in an indigo scene....
Time:9:56 pm.
Mood:awake.
i figured the first week without football would be a breeze...damn was i wrong haha. ive never been so exhausted in my liffffeee!!!

but its going good. i'm writing commentaries in the newspaper at school, and i'm really getting into that, and just writing in general. i just finished a short story called Disposition....leave me one if you want take a look at it.

something i wrote last year....this really has a lot to say, more than most people read into....


Indigo


In World War II
There was a love that was tragically lost
They were a lot like me and you
From that, we now know the cost
One single thing
Affects a world of people
What a love takes and brings
Makes us look towards and away from the steeple

In every conflict ever created
A love tragically disappeared
Something so unrelated
Can create such emotional fear

I picture you in an indigo scene
I can’t help but to think I’m in an indigo dream
In between the sheets of indigo fabric
We lay so peaceful, this indigo so enigmatic
Indigo lifelines
Indigo heartbeats
Indigo’s just fine
When our indigos meet
Peace is the key
To color coordination
I see you and me
In an indigo nation

No matter how far I go
No matter how long it is
No matter if its hard to show
Where my feelings live
My soul will be with you
So you’ll never be alone
It will offer my heart to you
To keep with you safe at home

There’s no reason ever
To have emotional fear
Even if I’m not there, I won’t ever
Take my heart and soul and leave you here

I picture you in an indigo scene
I can’t help but to think I’m in an indigo dream
In between the sheets of indigo fabric
We lay so peaceful, this indigo so enigmatic
Indigo lifelines
Indigo heartbeats
Indigo’s just fine
When our indigos meet
Peace is the key
To color coordination
I see you and me
In an indigo nation



zanman

Sunday, November 13th, 2005

(opinions are like assholes)

Subject:i need to puke...but not it a bad way, i think i'll feel better....
Time:9:57 pm.
Mood: angst.
WE WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP....we beat boys latin (who we lost to 20-10 before) 35-10...we kicked ass...it was a great game.


Forever Never Too Far

I woke up all alone
Even though I’m used to you not being here
Its not your fault, you have no way to be here
All we have are messages on a phone

I miss you discreetly
I wake up serenely
But you’re not beside me
And my serenity, along with the discreet
It all fades away
But I don’t bother, why chase it down the street

I need you here and now
I’ll find a way to fulfill my needs
And see you somehow

Your face is a lamp
Unto my life and my deeds
As you shine bright, now
My motivation to me

Just tell me where you are
Give me a hint
Tell me where you are
Give me just a clue
Because my joy is intermittent
When I don’t have you

Wherever you are
Its not that far
Its never too far if you’re there
I’ll be there forever
Its not that long
If, forever, we share


zanman

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005

(2 assholes | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:i'm gonna miss those friday nights, under the lights....
Time:8:12 pm.
Mood: complacent.
Spalding Football, Championship Game, Towson University, 5:45, be there.

these are two things i wrote....one is about the way i felt (the second one), and the first is just an interesting concept....


The Human Heart


Circumstances
Second chances
Who can we really blame?
Rendezvous
Of IOU’s
And fuck you’s are just the same
Harden hearts
Beating in the dark
Is the hard part of the game

And then she found me, in the wild.
Scared and sniveling, like a child
She gave me a blanket, and showed me warmth
The warmth of the human heart
In return, I smothered her until she cried
In return for smothering her, she died
She lied there in the bed we made, she was cold
Cold to the touch of my human heart

I’m sorry, can you come back so I can try again
If life were a videogame, I’d have at least two lives left
If you come back, I won’t ever do that again
I’ll give you the heat of the heart that beats in my chest

Circumstances
Second chances
Who can we really blame?
Rendezvous
Of IOU’s
And fuck you’s are just the same
Harden hearts
Beating in the dark
Is the hard part of the game

When I found you, you were in the wild
Scared and sniveling, like a child
I gave you a blanket, and showed you warmth
The warmth of my human heart
You smothered me, and I understood
But my rationale did us no good
You longed for me, but I lay next to you cold
I lost all the warmth of my human heart

You can never come back and try again
Life’s not a videogame, you don’t have any lives left
You won’t have the chance to ever do it again
Because there’s a heatless heart that beats in my chest





Behind Your Eyes


We’re in the car and I’m driving you home
And I never thought I’d have such an urge to be alone
But the way that you’re not facing me
Is shaking me from my complacency
And I can’t read what’s behind your eyes
Quiet and mysterious and I’m scared that you’re telling me lies

Tired, serene, and peaceful is what you say you are
But I can’t hear the truth in that over the noise in the car
So I turn down Green Day and I turn up my alert
I try to look at you without crashing or spilling food down my shirt
I say I can’t read you, and you ask me if that makes me scared
Just a little bit, but I really think my soul’s either inept or impaired

Remember in the movie during that scary ass scene
I jumped in my seat, you barely stopped your scream
You held onto my arm for dear life
As the bad guy on the screen flashed around a knife
That was the best part of my entire night
Because you asked me what happens and to make it right
I felt wanted
I felt wanted by you
I felt relevant
More than I really knew
So goodnight and goodbye, goodnight, goodbye
Where did the words go, besides lost in time
Where did the words go if there aren’t any here



zanman

Monday, October 31st, 2005

(1 asshole | opinions are like assholes)

Subject:i'm writing in these bullshit pages because....
Time:2:03 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
because why not? today...tired, cynical, angsty (i know thats not a word, lay off me), and a little irate. i'm too tired to explain why. its just little things throughout the day. i guess im going to end up updating on B Days at school because i have study hall on those days and i dont study whatsofuckingever...so here's this little shindig i wrote like, 5 minutes ago....


Salutations, Drained and Through


Draining down and draining through
Draining my eyes all over you
Can you read what they’re trying to say to you
Can you read that I am drained and through

Salutations to imagination, battered and beat
Salutations, my imagination has my heart in the street
Salutations, I’m suffocating and being discreet
Salutations, I’m masquerading, I am cheap
Salutations to all of you
Salutations, I’m drained and through

Extraordinarily weary and dull
When I look up the door frame makes me feel small
So what the fuck should my next move be
Drained and through but not with you, just with me

Straddling in the line
Is it fucked up or is everything just fine
Fine like Jesus’ wine
I guess that means that blood is fine

Salutations to imagination, battered and beat
Salutations, my imagination has my heart in the street
Salutations, I’m suffocating and being discreet
Salutations, I’m masquerading, I am cheap
Salutations to all of you
Salutations, I’m drained and through


zanman

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